“Know that underlying the storm is peace, and under the chaos is order. Use the power of faith as your anchor: faith that there is a reason why things happen as they do; faith that you will make it through a crisis; faith that you are moving forward to a better place.” from Invisible Acts of Power by Caroline Myss
13 years ago, I was living in a cute three-bedroom bungalow in Mexico. The kitchen connected to a bright laundry room surrounded by large windows, and from the laundry room, a glass door led to the small yard, which was enclosed by 3-metre walls. One day, my housemate Lisette and I accidentally locked ourselves out of the house. Of course, I was annoyed. How could I have been so careless? I had never forgotten my keys before. What a hassle it would be to walk all the way to our landlord’s home in the searing heat. Much better try to break in! I knew that the laundry room and kitchen doors had been left open, but how to get over the tall walls? After a few brainstorming minutes, I reached for the burglar bars that protected the front window, shinnied up to the top, and from there, I was able to clamber onto the roof, walk across the rooftop and jump into the yard. I marveled at how easy it was to break in and made a mental note to keep the laundry and the kitchen doors locked in the future.
That same weekend, Lisette, my other housemate Isabelle and I were on our way out when I realized I had forgotten to lock the kitchen door. I rushed home, locked it and went on to enjoy the night. When Lisette and I returned to the house around three in the morning, Isabelle was already home and sound asleep.
As soon as I awoke the next morning, Isabelle asked me if I knew why there was blood splattered on the laundry room floor. When I went in to take a look I noticed one window had been broken. A thief must have cut himself on the shards of glass in his attempt to break in. “So that’s why I heard a strange noise when I was sleeping last night. I thought I was dreaming,” exclaimed Isabelle. I could only nod dazedly as an intense wave of relief swept over me. “Where would Isabelle be now had I not locked the kitchen door?! Forgetting my keys was a blessing in disguise!”
And sometimes I wonder where I would be had I not developed muscular dystrophy. It’s entirely possible that the place might not be as rich and enlightening as the one I am in today.
My life has been marked with many fortuitous moments of synchronicity that have kept me out of trouble and opened my eyes to new ideas. I have come to trust wholeheartedly that in the grand scheme of things, amongst the hassles and mishaps of life, I will always be led to a good place.
Yet, there are days when I wake up in a dark and cloudy mood, in which the slightest frustration will trigger a downpour of angry thoughts. A couple of Mondays ago, I was staying at my parents’ place and, without my usual surroundings, was having more difficulty than usual getting dressed. My patience was lacking and all I wanted to do was complain about the pointlessness of this wretched disease. “How can I enjoy this earth when I can barely walk? How can I contribute to this world when I need so much help? What tasks will I not be able to do when I return to work in September?” muttered my mind. And like sunrays trying to pierce through the dark mass of clouds, another voice within me piped up, “Be positive Amanda, refocus!!! Think how lucky you are—loving family, nice home, people who help! It could be so much worse!” But all I wanted to do was whine like a spoiled child. “I’m tired of TRYING to be happy, I’m tired of life!” “No, no, no Amanda, all you have to do is pivot your mood! Good thoughts! It will all be OK!”
Sure enough, it was OK. The storm passed quickly and sunshine has flooded my heart once again. The question of what I might no longer be able to do (strength wise) in September continues to niggle at my mind, and as a result, I have become even more disciplined. I’ve been meditating until my limbs go numb, visualizing until my body heats up, and exercising more regularly. Every night before I fall asleep I embark on a ‘rampage of appreciation’ (as coined by Abraham-Hicks). It’s already starting to pay off. I’m feeling pretty good and some tasks have become slightly easier.
In the book I just finished reading, Caroline Myss quoted the author and psychiatrist M. Scott Peck:
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts, and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”
I realize it’s ok to get frustrated once in a while, and even better when my frustration thrusts me into action. The good thing is that as I mature, these uncomfortable moments are becoming less frequent and much briefer. It’s all good.
